Its 2 am on the end of the pier on Manhattan beach, waves calmly rolling past on either side. Princess turns to me and asks, “do you believe that we are living in many separate realities right now?” “Well it’s certainly possible, I think it’s hard to say”. She caught this evasion, “I asked if you believed it?” Damn. It’s so much easier to conjecture than to put my beliefs on record.
I paused for awhile. Is there a reality in which I am actually in Seattle, still working at Navos? Is there a reality in which I chose to follow my interest in film editing and pursue a job at YouTube instead of returning to school to pursue my Masters in Psychology? Another where I stayed in my four-year relationship?
Am I living all of these lives right now as I write this sitting in a house in rural El Salvador?
Maybe with a question that punctures our paradigm so profoundly, it is easiest to approach from the side. I responded that every morning, I take time to talk to parts of myself. I have one part who has named himself, Silly Sam, a fully liberated childish (in the best sense of the word) version of myself that dances and prances around, pronouncing to me and anyone else that will listen that “You can sparkle any way you want to”. I speak with another part of myself who has emerged as “Guru Sam”, a connection with my inner wisdom and intelligence — the part of me that knows “Slow is Fast”, that deep intentionality is important for me to act authentically.
As I explained, while I have no concrete evidence of these parts of me in the physical world, these allies are very real. They influence how I act every day. They have helped me to become simultaneously less serious and more grounded. Yet where do they exist? What reality are they a part of?
The easy answer is my imagination. But what is an imagination, if its contents have real-world implications? It hardly seems imaginary. And, the more time I spend in dialogue with these parts of myself, the stronger the connection becomes.
As I explained this, I was struck by a thought. Perhaps our imaginations are not imaginary, but actually the nurseries for different realities. As I allow myself to imagine a different life, am I – in some sense that I can’t totally explain – bringing this reality into existence (albeit in a different dimension)?
Recently, I was talking with another woman who I met and shared a connection with at Burning Man. I found myself smitten by the moments we shared and longing for more after we said goodbye. Yet in our subsequent communications, it became clear that this is not what she wanted. First, there was a painful period of silence. Then an acknowledgment of avoidance but also the implication that she was headed in a different direction. When we finally spoke about all of this, she said something that struck me: “There is no shame in fantasizing”.
Hmmmm…. my initial reaction was: why would I fantasize? That is just inviting the repeated re-opening of a painful wound. But as we talked further, her words gained traction: in this fantasy, I could actually come to know myself better. I could recognize what I was attracted to, what I enjoyed, what I wanted. I could even allow myself to sink in to the pleasure of this fantasy. And it is pleasurable. For me, allowing myself to exist in this space in my mind where I deeply honor and allow all of my desires is incredibly pleasurable.
Which brings me back to that pier with Princess. Perhaps when we fantasize – and I mean this in a very broad sense of any mental imaginings – we are laying the seeds of another reality. At first, it is just wispy tendrils. Pretentious possibilities. But as we put more energy into this reality, as we spend time envisioning, tapping into all of our different senses of sight, sound, touch, taste, smell — our connection with this alternate reality deepens.
And, maybe it is there all along. Maybe we are not creators of alternate dimensions, but rather bridge builders; we are creatures capable of spanning across realities through dint of our mental energy.
But if we are transcending the traditional four dimensions in which we exist — what is this fifth dimension? What allows us to establish links between otherwise disparate dots, points that don’t even share the same physical reality?
To me, this is love. I’m not sure I could even define it: maybe, our of connection with self and with the energy of all things. I am reminded of the film “Interstellar”, perhaps it is only images that can reveal how this fifth dimension – love – explodes our pre-existing understanding of space and time.
When I allow myself to fantasize, when I take moments in the morning to talk to these various dimensions of myself, I can approach with love. It is so different then when I reflect on my memories or my inner voices from a position of frustration or opposition or shame. Earlier today, I found a thought emerging, calling myself selfish and narcissistic for wanting to take time to myself. If push on this, the thought sticks around, it burrows deeper. But if I encounter this voice with love, suddenly there is space to move it, to find a more helpful statement of this sentiment.
I don’t know how to put this into words. It is a feeling. If I allow myself to open to these “imaginings” with a loving heart, they grow stronger. I have more power over them too — I can move into my past, identify old memories and shape them using this love. This is not to say that I force everything in my past to feel “loving” but rather that I allow this form of energy to move as the current beneath the fantasies. Allowing myself to feel during this process, keeping sight of my heart, is the breath that animates these realities. Full, refreshing, warm and cold, this respiration moves everything along.
So yes, Princess, I do believe that we are all existing in concurrent realities — but the degree to which we are aware and capable of connecting to these realities depends on the openness of our hearts.
—
Now experiments to test out this concept:
1. Allow yourself to fantasize about something. Let go of guilt and approach with curiosity. You are allowed to enjoy it. See what you can learn about yourself in this alternate reality.
2. Next step: bring in all of the sense. What do you hear? Taste? Smell? Touch? See? Try to be fully there.
3. What if you suspend judgement and believe that this is real, that this reality is actually transpiring. What changes?
4. Notice any emotions that push back against this fantasy. See if you can let yourself act completely freely.
—
Final thoughts: And this is an open question because all of this is just grasping at meaning: if imaginings are real, then are we having negative effects on others in which we allow ourselves to do “harmful” things in these fantasies? Are we responsible for these imaginations?