Recently, I have been noticing how delicious it is to observe someone re-living – and thus re-expereincing – joy.  I have several friends who attended Burning Man this past year, and while I was initially disappointed to not join them, it has been so much fun hearing their experiences.  I wasn’t always this way.  

In the past, I’d often start to experience envy, thinking about myself and how I’d wished I had their experience.  Yet as I allow myself to open to others more, I am realizing that I can have this experience — through their eyes.  If I slow down and really feel my body as I listen, I notice that same warm wave spread across my chest, I feel the smile appear on my face, even tears pop up in my eyes.  There is no need for FOMO, or for jealousy, because I can share in the re-living and re-telling of experiences.  

This leaves me thinking, that part of our act as listeners is to help the speaker more fully embody the feelings of their story; to bring our curiosity and our presence in a way that amplifies the emotion.  In doing so, I am able to join them more easily and more potently in their experience.  

Yet, it also leaves me thinking about my role as a story-teller — or perhaps more aptly named, “an experience-sharer”.  I have never seen myself as a story-teller, as someone who can spin the proverbial yarn in an enticing and entertaining way.  But/and, this new paradigm gives me a fresh hope: I don’t need to be entertaining, I need to be embodied and expressive on a visceral level.  

Often, I have wondered about the ethics of personal pleasure.  How can I justify going on costly adventures?  Certainly it is pleasurable to me.  But after awhile, I start to feel self-indulgent, that the balance of pleasure I am taking in versus giving out has become uneven.  However, when I start to think that I can share this joy and pleasure through re-telling, then I can see a greater purpose in my pleasure.  

Maybe I should feel like it is enough to feel personal pleasure, period.     Yet, I am too aware of systemic inequalities to give myself over again and again to my own pleasures.  After awhile, the knowledge of my privilege undermines any pleasure that I might derive — I feel responsibility.  I don’t want to feel guilt or reject the privileges and opportunities I’ve been given — especially when they are offered as gifts from others (who derive their own pleasure in giving these gifts).  Yet I need to find a way to swing the balance back.  

So here I am thinking about sharing my joyful and pleasurable experiences with others.  Rather than lock these memories away, filed and finished in my memory bank, I can continue the joy and offer it through my re-living.  These emotionally charged experiences aren’t mine, they belong to everyone; they can be felt by everyone if we share.   I can be an “experiencer sharer”. 

Let me conclude then, by sharing a moment of utter joy from the past week.  It was mid-way through Janelle Monae’s set when she paused, and in a contemplative voice shared that “I have been meditating on this show, on what I want for all of you”.  I could feel my focus zoom in by the sheer force of her powerful presence.  “I’ve thought a lot… and what I decided, is that I hope this moment can be a memory for all of us… in the hard times and beyond”.  I felt my heart warm and melt; the whole crowd seemed to blur into a gooey field of love.  I wrapped my arm around a friend to my left, and opened my other to so many loving faces around me.  She continued, “I hope that we can all remember this moment of love when we need it most…” And with that she launched into song, and we all, collectively, swelled and swayed — my body felt soft and porous. There was no need to protect.  Love abounded.  The warmth is immediate and potent even now! Janelle, I think your meditation came true, that moment is a memory, a warm, stabilizing resource in the face of loneliness and fear.  Thank you! 

And hopefully, I was able to share just a glimpse of the joy I received in that moment!

Now, a few ways to step into experience-sharing: 

  1. When you prepare to tell a story, allow yourself time to feel the emotions in your body.  Feel them viscerally and try to allow that emotion to flow out of you within your words.  Pause at points to note what you feel in your body as you are talking.  Consider describing these sensations to your audience. And as you share, experiment with looking deeply at the eyes of each person to whom you are speaking (after all, many believe the eyes are a powerful portal for conveying emotional energy).  
  2. As a listener, ask yourself: how can I help this person be more fully present in the emotion of their experience?  Notice what physical sensations arise in your body as you listen AND consider sharing your experience.  Strive to be as present as you can, looking at the speaker with your full attention while simultaneously tracking your inner body landscape.  You might even ask the speaker what they are feeling as they share their story.  
  3. Be intentional with the experiences that you share and witness: Ask yourself what type of emotion you are needing?  You can always explicitly ask for this type of emotion — (e.g. “Would you tell me a story about a time that you felt joy?”  “What is a time recently that you were angry?”) Or, if you are wanting to share, ask yourself what type of emotion that person you’re with might be needing?  (AND if you want to deepen authenticity in this relationship, ask the person directly what type of emotion they are needing?)